You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize