I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
