So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
