Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
