i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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