it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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