My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
