I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
