he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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