Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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