I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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