He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
