Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
