You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize