wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
