i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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