Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
