Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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