so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
