he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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