May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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