as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
