im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
