she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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