she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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