The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
