its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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