his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
