Taylor Swift is so right about you.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Small penises have feelings too.
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize