My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
