just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
