His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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