It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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