I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
