I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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