my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
