I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
