You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
