I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
