1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
