there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
