The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
