You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
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Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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