I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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