Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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