After last night, I could never be a politician.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
