I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize