She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
