is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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