I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
