just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
