The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
