Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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