it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
