im drinking this country out of the recession.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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