Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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