Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
