his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
