How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
