so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
