I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
