Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
