"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
