he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
