Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
