so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
