he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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