Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
