Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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