I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
