I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
