In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
