her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
